These conflicts contributed to muddying the waters in my life. I was the first grandchild from my fathers’ side, like any first grandchild I received great care and attention from my fathers’ side of the family which only worsened the relationship between me and my mothers’ side of the family. Unfortunately, this brought about huge feelings of guilt within me, it went on for a long period of time in my life.

The relationship between my parents went through many changes, because of this I never had a stable life, nor any sense of stability. I moved around, I lived with my mother for a period and then with my father. This was not easy for my childhood and especially for a girl growing up. There was no one to take care of me when I was with my father so he used to take me with him to his work.

Despite these many difficulties in my life, It never affected my education nor my academic levels, quite the opposite actually, I took advantage of any and all opportunities where I could participate in school activities, varying from music, theater, and many more. To me, the school was an escape from my tense life at home.

During another period in my life, I went to live with my grandmother in Syria. Thinking back, I think this was one of the best periods of life. My grandmother took good care of me, she cared for me a lot and gave me the attention I needed. She helped me focus on my studies and she also sparked within me a passion for reading. My grandmother had a library, it was rich with books of all kinds of subjects. Unfortunately, this chapter of my life didn’t last long. I returned to Libya after completing my high school education.

Upon my return, my father suggested that I enroll in a training center that focuses on capacity building and skills development, without any hesitation I agreed.

During one of the sessions in the training center, a question was asked about our relationship with our parents. A comment was made by one of the participants in the session. “a girl whose parents are separated is excluded from society”. I was so shocked. I had to withdraw myself from the session. Intense feelings and emotions rushed through me. I was truly in pain.

As soon as I left the session, I was followed by one of the trainers. I broke down. Tears rushed down my face. I am a discreet person and don’t like to share what I’ve been through in my life but at this point, I needed to talk and open up to a person who understands me.

After a long open and honest conversation, the trainer made it clear to me that I was not to blame for what happened in my past, and that I was not to blame myself for what happened between my parents, and that I had no hand in any of the problems that went on between them as I was only a child who couldn’t assess the gravity of the situation that I was going through. My trainer got through to me and I was convinced.